It has been a long week.  My little boy is sick with pneumonia, which is quite stressful.  He doesn't appear sick - runs around madly until he collapses.  So hard to keep him still.  And he gets so bored not being able to run around and destroy stuff!
School holidays have started here, and my daughter is also home.  Feel like I am juggling life, but badly.  I am getting a better relationship with my daughter, we are probably closer now than we have ever been.  We have started spending a few hours doing art and craft together on Sunday mornings, which she is enjoying immensely.  My hubby takes Master S for a few hours, so it is just her and I. She is a very quick learner, and I am surprised each week by her creativity and skill.  This week she made a Christmas present for her Grandma (my mum-in-law) - a decorative Christmas hanging.  She sewed the outline of an angel on some calico, then wrote Merry Christmas in fabric paint and put sparkly fabric paint around the angel.  I hemmed it for her, and put some balsa in the top with ribbon, so my MIL can hang it up.  When my camera is working again I will take a picture and put up for all to see.
I can't believe Christmas is almost here.  As usual I have the mixture of joy at seeing my kids excitement, but also sadness that I don't have any family of origin of my own to share it with.  I know not seeing them is the right thing - there is no way I want to expose my kids to the danger they pose.  However, there is still a longing there.
My MIL is a great lady.  She turns 60 on Sunday (must remember to post her card tomorrow!).  With money being so tight at the moment have done her homemade gifts (will also post a photo of those when camera working again).  I have done a collage in a frame of things that remind me of her.  I have also scrapbooked some old family photos into an album for her.  I have never scrapbooked before, and have discovered that I don't like it that much.   I love cardmaking, mixed media, most papercraft.   So to discover I don't like scrapbooking is a bit of a surprise.  But good.  All my life I have had no idea about who I am, or what I like or dislike - most of the things I say I like are based on what I was 'taught', or what I think people think I should like.  So to discover for myself that I don't like scrapbooking, and to know why (it is too structured for my liking) is a huge thing.  I much prefer a 'free' kind of creativity, without having to fit around certain things like photos.  Even most of my knitting and sewing starts off without a real plan - it is amazing how many things you can turn a square of knitting into!  Pencil cases, drink holders, mobile phone pouches, cushions....
My doc has been away for a few weeks on holidays, and am surprised  by how much I am missing the sessions.  I have been seeing him 13 years now, and most times don't mind him going on holidays - just more 'me' time.  However, this time I am struggling without having him around.  I am unsure why.  I did some major work with him just before he went away, so maybe that is contributing - I am still trying to implement the new 'thinking' and let the new beliefs really sink in, not just be a head/intellectual thing.  Maybe it is also the soup of pregnancy hormones raging through my body making me feel a bit unstable.
Saw the dietician today, she is happy with my progress.  I am not so happy, but keep reminding myself I am pregnant, I will gain weight, I will pop out in all sorts of places.  It is so weird.  It has been nine years since my last anorexia relapse, but if I am not careful I still find myself drifting into that thinking.  It has gotten worse since I gained weight on the medication over the last 2 years.  I am now 40kg heavier than I was when I fell pregnant with Master S, and 50 kg heavier than when I fell pregnant with Miss A.  It is hard to believe I am now double that weight, and almost two and a half times heavier than my lowest weight with the anorexia.  I never want to go back to go back to that - I see photos of myself at that weight and can't believe I thought I was fat.  But I would like to lose the 40 kg I have gained on the meds - I feel 'heavy' and my body aches.  I dislike not being fit.  I have started swimming laps at the local pool again, and feel great after it, so will keep that up if I can.   I am also no longer on the medication that seemed to contribute to the weight gain, so that will help.  It always amazes me what triggers stuff - haven't been this aware of body image issues in many years... got to love pregnancy!
Anyway, that is my rant.  I am getting my hair done tomorrow as my 'treat' - I am getting a trim, and will then put some foils in when I get home.  Always feel great after a hair cut and colour!